Sarcastic Nonsense Blog #2: The Dog Park

     WARNING:

This blog is full of sarcastic assholery and swear words, and is meant more for the entertainment of my groomer friends than actually being informative to clients, but don't let that stop you from reading it (There's truth here!) This post also contains photos of my dogs looking irritated. 

(This is a photo of Doom and Bobsie in our first apartment, this photo basically shows 1/3 of the place)

    Back in the day, before we had our daughter and a big house in suburbia, my husband and I lived in a tiny 350 square foot apartment with our two dogs. Back then, I was a huge dog park frequenter. I knew all the good places around Colorado Springs to go throw a ball for Doom and let Bobsie sniff to her heart's content, since then, I've quit going to the dog parks as much, one because it's too hot in Arizona, but also because... well, just let me bitch about it...
    Without FURther ado:

The Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

The Second Sarcastic Nonsense Blog: The Dog Park

    Does your dog walk up to the club like "Whattup I got a big cock?" Or maybe you do? Seriously, people and animals who enter the dog park looking for a fight should definitely be there. I mean definitely. We all want to witness a dog fight, I mean, why else would we be here? Oh, right. Maybe it's to snark at other owners about their dogs who are doing NOTHING WRONG as their 95 pound dog is victoriously humping that three pound Chihauhua's head... Please take your large dog to the large dog side. Nobody wants to see that.

    Is your dog a serial humper? I've seen plenty of dogs who go from one dog to another throughout the park getting snarked at, because no dog's favorite pop is "Mount and Do". Sorry dude, but its time to get control of your dog. Not every day is Hump Day, as much as I wish it were. 

    Are you the child bringer? If so, please STOP. Your kid, unless kept on a leash, probably has no business at the dog park if he is under the age of ten. Often, dogs who are at dog parks are not child friendly, and their owners are hoping to take them to a place where they don't have to deal with children running up to pet their dog (on another note, please teach your children to ask before they pet my fucking dog. Just because mine is friendly doesn't mean the next one won't snap junior's face off). I've seen many children at the dog park who could use a little work on their "leave it" command. Find a park with a swing set for your kid to play on. Seriously. And if you absolutely MUST bring your kid to the dog park, don't bitch at owners if your child is accidentally knocked over by their dog. Its a rough place for a small child to be. 

    Is your dog aggressive and unsocialized? By all means, bring him to the dog park where he may be bum rushed by several other dogs who are excited to greet a new play mate. Clearly its a great fucking way to force him to get used to other dogs in his face! Just fantastic!

NOT! Work with your dog in a quieter setting than a loud park with 50 other dogs barking, fetching, rough housing,  and causing a general cacophony - which is what dogs DO. Try a puppy class or two before throwing your shy dog into an atmosphere that could ruin him forever, please. 

And lastly are you the present leaver?

I love it when people leave their dog's shit laying around all over the place. I mean, hell, the dog park doesn't provide poo bags and garbage cans... Why would they do something like that? My favorite thing ever is when I'm running around with my dogs and all of a sudden I step in a massive heap of dog shit... I mean, couldn't you at least gift wrap it if you're going to leave your dog's presents sitting around? A close second to me stepping in it is one of my dogs rolling in it - then I get to drive home with all my windows open, breathing as little as possible so I don't gag and make a further mess of my car. PICK YOUR DOG'S SHIT UP! Especially if you see him do it! Its NOT ok! Its gross!!!! 

Before we part, I'd like to point out the two polls to you, one is about dog poop, the other is asking how you found me. If you have a hot minute, answer them!

All My Paws,

Annie