No Shame

 Percy has what I used to think was a problem – he has absolutely no shame when it comes to... well, anything. The other day I made two dozen of the most luscious, sinful caramel banana pancakes you've ever tasted, and Percy saw an opportunity and took it. I left them to cool where he could see, smell and reach them, ran to the bathroom and he snatched them. Every. Last. One. When I came back ready to separate and bag them, they were gone, and my rotten dog was sitting there with a pancake eating grin on his big, stupid face. Fucking jerk.

"I steal shit off the counters. I'm not even a little bit sorry. Those pancakes were delicious. I am an asshole." -Percy

I sent him to his crate, but he never once bowed his head or even acted like he gave two shits and a fuck.

Here's the thing: It's not often that any of my dogs misbehave – this is 90% training and 10% prevention. One of my favorite quotes is by Kvothe: “There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience.” and I agree. My dogs don't always do what they should - they have desires like any human, and that brings me down to the point of this blog.

Sorry this one is so hard to read "I growl at any dog that walks by, just because I can. I am a jerk." Doom "My favorite game in the world is piss Doom off. I always do it with a smile." -Percy

Percy's unabashed disobedience is so annoying that I could wring his fucking neck, but on the flip side, I truly wish that I could give that few fucks when someone I love is pissed with me. I wish I could be that joyously uninhibited in my decision making because I have less shame than a hooker on Sunday.

"I know I'm not supposed to beg, but WOW, that looks yummy! Just a lick?" -Piglet

I find it very interesting how every dog is different in this respect. Doom, for example, though he's never been scolded for having an accident in the house is so shamefaced after having one, I can't help but want to hug him, whereas Bobsie, from the time I adopted her, would pee on my pillow every time I took her to the vet, and not even bat an eyelash.

"I like to pretend that I'm cold so mom will put a sweater on me, then beg to have it taken off five minutes later". -Bridget

As a human, if you do something that's socially unacceptable, you're labeled a sociopath or worse – we put these bindings on our children and tell them that only X is right, and if you think Y or Z, you're wrong and weird. Now, yes, there are things that need to be taught, for example, bullying isn't OK – but why shame boys into thinking that pink is only for girls, and girls into thinking that they can't play football? Why can't a boy sing in a musical or dance in a ballet without being called “queer” by his peers? Why can't a girl be on the wrestling team without being called a dyke? And why, why have we taught generation after generation to feel shame over their bodies? What is wrong with us that a month after Britney Spears gave birth, we're nodding in agreement as an MTV reporter calls her fat?

"I think it's really funny to rub slimy tennis balls all over your hands. No shame." -Doom

Why can't we be more like our dogs? Why do we obey stupid standards put to us by a society that is obsessed with ass, tits and which celebrity got arrested for being drunk this weekend?

Tell me, please, what is so wring with being as unashamed of who and what we are as our dogs are?

J.W. Stephens said “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” Maybe if we followed that advice we all would be a little happier. Maybe we all would get along better because we wouldn't be trying so hard to hide parts of our souls from the judging eyes of our peers.

"I like clean laundry and I cannot lie, you other doggies can't deny." -Piglet

Maybe we should all snatch a pancake once in a while, and fuck what anyone else thinks.

"My favorite place to sit is on the table top where I know I am not supposed to be. When mom tells me to get down, I roll my eyes." -Bridget

What would you do if shame weren't a factor? I would make a real attempt at publishing some of my fictional work, because I wouldn't be worried about what people would think. I try to worry about it as little as possible, but there still exists a tiny seed of doubt in my mind that hates criticism, however, I've decided that this year I'm going to say “fuck you” to shame and try to be more like my dog – even if it makes people think I'm an idiot... Because in truth – I am sometimes.

All my paws,

Annie

"If you're not a dog person, I'm not a "you" person." -Annie

P.S.

I hope you enjoyed all the dog shaming photos – we had fun coming up with them!

"I am an unabashed smart-ass." -Jon

My husband is awesome. LOL