10 Things I've Learned Living With 5 Dogs

The Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

10 Things I've \Learned Living With 5 Dogs!

10) Petting one dog at a time must be a covert operation. You must be sneaky - petting with a foot, knee, or arm whilst the dog sits next to you tends to work well. Be sure to not rile the dog up, or the rest of them will come flooding to dog pile you. Unless this is what you want, do not draw attention to yourself.

9) When taking a group photo, be sure to allot yourself at least two hours, if not more, and a few glasses of wine before hand. Even if your dogs have the perfect "sit stay" they are like toddlers and will try to push each other off the couch... I can always hear them in my head hollering "MOM! She's touching me!!!" and "AM NOT!!!"

8) Disable your doorbell. Especially if you have young children in the house who still take naps. It never fails that as soon as I get my daughter down for nap time, some jerk who can't read the no solicitation sign will make them bark, which in turn wakes up a cranky toddler who just took two hours to go to sleep twenty minutes ago. If you're not going to disable the doorbell, keep wine and a baseball bat near the door. That way you can drink a glass after beating the shit out of the illiterate jerk who woke your kid up.

7) You cannot give only one a treat. Even if that one is the only deserving one, it doesn't work. You will have four other sets of eyes staring at you like you owe them something... And if you don't give them one, they might just kill you in your sleep.

6) Grooming is an all day thing. Bathing, cutting nails, blow drying, and the two that get actual hair cuts. Keep the one currently being groomed separate, especially if that one is a whiner, because the others, who may or may not still be soaking wet, will attempt to rescue their clearly drowning, abused friend. This usually ends with a soaking wet owner while five dogs play in the tub.

5) Never say "Vet" out loud. You will be surprised at how quickly five dogs can disappear, even the deaf one, and they will probably covertly destroy every pair of underwear you own, even if you keep it on the top shelf of the closet (I swear cockers can fly, I'm convinced that the skirt on Bridget's cocker clip turns into wings when I'm not looking), just for considering taking them to the vet.

4) If its on the floor, its dog territory. No matter what it is. They're very good helpers... At least they think they are!

3) Everyone new you meet will automatically think you're in the beginnings of hoarding when you tell them that you have FIVE dogs. "FIVE DOGS?" they'll reply "Gosh, that's a lot! You must be a saint!" (What they're implying is that you're clearly fucking nuts, and would never want to come to your house) No. I'm just a crazy dog lady who has the means to take care of five living, breathing animals with hearts of gold and souls that run so deep you can't even begin to imagine.

2) Increase your vocabulary. Because after they learn to understand both the word AND the spelling of both "Fetch" and "Ball" you're in trouble. Fast paced spherical exercise is what we call fetch here.

And the #1 Thing I Have Learned Living With Dogs is:

My bed is a very warm place to sleep, and in the winter its very hard to convince oneself to leave, however, my life is so full of fun and adventure, I wouldn't give any of it up for anything...
Well... I'd give up the slobber.

All My Paws,

Annie