This was our tree last year. I don't know why I didn't just do this again. Like, really.
This is our tree this year, minus the larger skirt, because I've finally said fuck it. It's always wadded up into a dog bed anyway.
But oh, it's not just the tree they fuck with. Oh no, it is everything holiday related. Now, I know that this is just because they are naturally curious creatures, and truth be told, their antics when it comes to my decorations give me a giggle more than anything, but really guys, please leave the (now thrown away) poinsettia alone. It really WILL kill you.
Anyway, without FURther ado...
The Doofy Dog Blog Presents
Shit Dog Owners Say Around The Holidays
No, get your face out of the tree box. Those aren't fetching sticks, asshole!
Ornaments are also not for fetching. Please drop it... Gently. Damnit, no!
(Seriously. Glad I bought shatterproof this year... Ugh)
Is that the... How did you even do that?! I'm not even mad, I'm impressed (as we diligently disentangle our dog fromt he garland)
Mom, what have I done!? Help!
PLEASE DON'T CHEW THAT! IT'LL KILL YOU! (Poinsettia)
Get the hell out from under the tree. It's not a place to sleep. It's a place to put presen.... awww you look so freaking cute. Just stay there.
This very special photo credit goes to my wonderful friend Amber Oertle at (c) Paws It Photography - this is my Bobsie right after my daughter was born, getting comfortable under Amber's tree. Sorry to get gushy, guys!
You're so cute in your little sweater! Awww! Hey wait! Don't chew on it!
Wow, I spent way more on presents for you than I did my family... Whoops.
WAIT NO! DON'T PEE ON THE TREE!!!
The stocking doesn't go on your head, genius.
Didn't I already tell you that ornaments are not toys?
Can you please NOT try to climb the tree?
Is that an ornament... On your collar? How did you even do that?
Those aren't the kind of icicles you can eat, damnit, spit it out before you choke!
"Shut up. I'm awesome."
As cute as you would be as Rudolph, lights are not to be snorted. Please quit it.
I wasn't standing under the mistletoe for you!
Don't open that present, it isn't yours!
What the hell is so interesting about wrapping paper?!
You have tape on your paw... Come here.
No, seriously. I know it's shiny and shit, but please leave the tree ornaments ALONE.
No! Don't lick the inside of the oven door! It doesn't taste like it smells, I swear!
Oh my god. I just groomed you. What IS that? Your grandparents will be here any minute now!
Ok, quick fix... Where is your sweater? OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Please leave the bows on your sister's collar. Please?
"Hello, Dr. X? Yes, my dog swallowed XYZ... Should I come in?"
What the fuck?! Do you seriously have another ornament?! Leave it!
Um. That's my eggnog. Please get off the table and get your nose the hell out of my cup.
Don't howl with the carolers. It's unbecoming and they don't appreciate it.
NO DAMNIT, THE COOKIES ARE FOR SANTA! HE'S GOING TO BRING YOU COAL THIS YEAR, YOU JERKS!
You know what? Fine. Play with the fucking ornaments. I don't care. Next year I'll put a whole bunch of fucking tennis balls on the damn tree. That's a fantastic idea. Asshat.
Also, Doom would like you all to know that aside from being a fucking bed hog, he is the perfect dog around the holidays, because he gives no fucks about anything but food, fetch, and rolling on the clean laundry while I'm trying to make the bed (He also, is an asshat.) (You may also notice a Bridget Creeper in this photo if you look for her.)
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