An owner that has to smell a stinky one. At least, that's how I feel.
I was laying in bed feeding the baby the other night when I got a big tasty whiff of anal glands. When I say tasty, I mean fucking disgusting. I was seriously tempted to get up right then, at midnight, and bathe McStinky. However, I convinced myself to just go to sleep and deal with it in the morning. I woke Percy up and made him turn around so his big, golden ass wasn't in my face, and went back to sleep.
I've mentioned before that in my house, bathing is a process. Bobsie passing away last year gave me one less dog that needs a hair cut, but she was never the problematic one - she didn't whine and cause a ruckus that escalated to a full blown riot outside my bathroom door as they each tried to save their obviously drowning buddy. No, Bobsie was a ray of sunshine to bathe, especially compared to McStinky.
 |
| Bobsie, Perfectly Happy Post Bath |
The next morning, I looked at McStinky and said "You, Sir, are getting a bath today. The fumes emanating from your asshole could kill a cockroach."
He looked at me with those big chocolatey eyes of his and sighed. He had no idea what I was saying, but I knew in a few short hours, he'd be pissed with me.
 |
| Can't you just feel the BIG gut heaving sigh in this one? |
My dogs, for the sake of convenience, have all been trained to jump into the bath when I give the "tub" command. It's nice, but it doesn't stop the drama. Bath time goes like this in my house.
"Come on guys, let's go upstairs."
*ensue stampede up the stairs*
"Good puppies"
*I close the bedroom door*
*in my very bestest happywhowantsatreat voice* "Who wants to take a bath?"
The reaction at this time is instantaneous. Heads go down, tails tuck in, and they all hit the ground like a ton of bricks... Let me tell you, even the little one weighs 100 pounds when she's trying to avoid a bath. How the fuck do they do that?! I've met toddlers who are easier to maneuver during a temper tantrum than my damned dogs when they need to be destinkified.
 |
| Bish whut? You said Bath. Uh uh. |
So, yesterday, I tried something new. I went into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet. For whatever reason, my dogs seem to think that if I'm on the toilet they need to be in there. I can shut the door and they continue to bug me. They followed me in, at which time, I took Percy's collar and said "Tub, Sir." he looked mutinous. Then he looked hurt. Finally, he obeyed and stepped, ever so gingerly, into the tub and plopped down, defeated.
 |
| This. This is the look of woe I get every. fucking. time. |
He moaned and groaned and sighed throughout the bath, shooting me tragic looks of woe and loathing, and then assaulted the towel when I started to dry him.
Percy thinks that getting dry is the best thing ever, from the wringing out, to the toweling off, to the forced air dryer, but his absolute favorite part is the big fat SHAKE he blesses me with as soon as I turn off the shower.
I've learned to bathe Percy in a bathing suit. Other wise, I have to change my clothes. What an asshole!
Anyway, now that you've heard all about poor Percy's bathing woes, I'll leave you with some of my favorite products for grooming - these are the same things I use on my dogs and my client's dogs, so if you're asking your groomer what (s)he uses that makes Fluffalicious smell so good for so long, the answer might be here! All products mentioned in this post can be found here. The photos of said items are also courtesy of Ryan's Pet Supply.
I'm a lazy groomer. Especially at home. If I can kill clean up for myself, I will. This brush makes my tainted little soul smile because instead of having to stab the shit out of myself on the stupid pins, I can simply push the button on the back, and the shield pushes the hair I've brushed out forward for me to grab off of the end, no pricking required.
When it comes to shampoo, with my guys I need multipurpose, so I really love Espree PlumPerfect. It's great for any coat type and color, smells fabulous, and has a decent dilution rate (16:1, meaning 16 parts water to 1 part shampoo. A gallon will last the average dog owner a year, it lasts us about five months.)
After a good scrub (or two, I always shampoo twice) you need to condition. I really like to use a super good smelling conditioner that is also beneficial to the coat. My favorite brand for that Best Shot's Scentament Spa... Currently my obsession is the Lemon Vanilla one. Again, this one dilutes down, the ratio is 6:1. Both the shampoo and the conditioner I've listed can be bought in smaller sizes - I buy gallons because they last longer.
I hate having wet ass dogs running around my house - for some reason they all feel the need to dry themselves on my bed (what the hell?!) or my couches... Or find the nearest open door and bolt out to make mud pies. In my home I use the B-Air Bear Power dryer. It's perfect for the home, and while it's not as high velocity as what I would use at work, it still gets the job done, and it's not quite as loud.
During the drying process, I generally spray my medium and long haired dogs with an antistatic spray, and my favorite is BioGroom's Antistat Flyaway Hair Control. It doesn't have a whole lot of scent to it (it IS lightly scented, but it doesn't cover up my amazing lemony vanilla goodness) and it works better than your average dryer sheet. It's also great for helping to keep out those stupid little dryer knots you end up with if you don't know what the hell your doing with a dryer.
And with that I'll leave you with a picture of our beautiful new baby and one of her guardians
All My Paws,
Annie
.
No comments:
Post a Comment