Doodle Do and Doodle Don't

In the last decade we have seen a rising trend in designer dogs, two or more breeds mixed together to make a “superior” design of those specific breeds. Most popular by far are doodles. Say what you will, a Golden Doodle is far more recognizable than a maltichipooggle any day. They are everywhere, you can't go to the dog park, vet, trainer, or groomer without seeing some sort of doodle somewhere. Once upon a time I counted myself among the groomers that would roll their eyes and sigh when I found one in my schedule, but those days are no more. I have grown to love my doodles and have discovered that their people are also, generally, wonderful as long as they're given some standards to live by when it comes to caring for their dogs. I have been in business for myself for 16 months and after my first few months, seeing matted doodles at least weekly, I got fed up and said “NO MORE.” Not in the “I will no longer groom doodles” kind of way, but in the “I am determined to educate owners and make these sweet dogs ones that I'm as crazy excited to see as they are me.” And so I started to set up rules – the biggest problem I found with grooming doodles is that owners are lied to by the breeder. I have been told by many clients that their breeder has said things like “They only need to be groomed once a year” or “They don't shed.” and “They're very wash and wear” along with ridiculousness like “You don't need to brush them often. Their coat takes care of itself” or “They never smell bad!” “Oh, he'll never be matted. Don't worry about that!”

Why are these things so ridiculous? Read on, and I'll tell you. The best part is, these rules aren't Doodle specific! Many (most) of them apply to all dog breeds.

Without FURther ado, the Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

Doodle Do and Doodle Don't

A Guide to Doodle Grooming

Do:

Brush at home, at least three times a week. Don't just brush – start with a brush and go over with a comb afterward. If you can't get a comb through, more work is needed. That little snarl can and will turn into a big nasty mat, which left unchecked, will turn into pelting. Painful for your dog! A detangling spray is helpful in this – I love “The Stuff for Dogs” and Les Poochs' Prebath Brush Out Spray.

Play with your dog's ears, tail, feet and face. Make it fun and rewarding for them so that they're not likely to snap and be upset when your groomer does it.

Keep regular grooming appointments for your dog. Aim to have your furry friend groomed about every six weeks, less if you're unable to brush at home (Many groomers have a weekly or bimonthly program, talk to them about it!)

Find a good shampoo and conditioner. If your pet doesn't require a hypoallergenic variety, my favorite for Doodles is Aromacare Argan Oil shampoo. It smells clean and leaves the coat soft and remoisturized. I also love Espree's Silky Show conditioner for a follow up rinse.

Plan for a “Hard Reset” once a year. I recommend this for owners who prefer to keep their doodles in a long coat. This is when we take the coat down short (I use a 5/8 blade for dogs in good condition, a #7 or #10 for dogs who are matted) to get rid of the dryness, split ends, breakage, etc that comes from the way doodles handle their coats, and all the brushing and combing in between. The general wear and tear on coats will start to cause tangling, which as we said before leads to matting, etc. A hard reset is essential to keep the coat soft and lovable.

Don't:

Bathe without brushing. It's common for dogs of all sorts to come in matted to the skin needing to be completely stripped. One of the biggest reasons is that water actually tightens mats and will cause them to get worse and worse until you have a pelt rather than a coat. If you can't get a comb through your dog's fur from the skin level, do not put him or her in any kind of water. If you can't brush out enough to get a comb through, it's time to call the groomer and talk about that hard reset I mentioned earlier.

Trim anything yourself. I know we make it look easy. I know it looks like fun... You probably think you can do it. Newsflash, and this will sound harsh because it is: YOU CAN'T. Grooming is a skilled trade that takes time to learn. We, as groomers, are constantly learning new techniques and skills. I do not cut my bangs before I go see my hair dresser (She will trim them between cuts for a few bucks, and so will many groomers!) I do not try to diagnose my children's illnesses and then call the doctor. I do not attempt to do my own pedicures (Ok, once. Never again. This is the reason my pedicurist gets a $25 tip every time I see her!), give myself tattoos, fix my own car or anything else that I have not been educated to do. DO. NOT. CUT. YOUR. PET'S. HAIR. YOURSELF. So many things can go wrong. It's so easy to slip and cut them. It's so easy for them to wiggle around and injure themselves. It's so easy for you to cut yourself, and you will, inevitably, irritate the crap out of your groomer. Fifi's hair is hanging in her eyes? Call your groomer. Fifi's paw pads are overgrown? Call your groomer. Fifi has a mat in her hindquarters that you can't brush out yourself? CALL YOUR GROOMER!

Leave grooming until the last possible second. Most groomers I know share my philosophy of “Humanity before Vanity”. I cannot undo in two hours what you have allowed to go on since last Christmas. I will not make your dog suffer for your negligence. Walking around with his coat yanking on his skin for gods know how long has been bad enough. I will not spend hours on end yanking at his coat to make you happy – if you cannot brush regularly and keep regular grooming appointments, it is time to clip him short and keep him that way. Worse is that matting can hide other issues: Skin conditions, parasites, lumps and bumps... I have heard of groomers clipping out candy wrappers, condoms and Christmas decorations. Aunt Marge will not be happy if she is petting Snookums and finds your missing remote control.

Play rough while you are working with your dog on having his feet, face and fanny touched. They think it's a game and they will bite us. This may be cute to you. It isn't to us. It's painful and a badly placed bite can be career ending, play or not.

Shirk your responsibilities. You are a dog owner. Your dog cannot brush him or herself. Your dog cannot make his own grooming appointments (and let's face it, wouldn't even if he could). Your dog cannot bathe himself. There is so much more to pet ownership that feeding and walking. If you're reading this in consideration of getting a dog, please do not if you can't handle every responsibility. Food, veterinary care, and grooming are just a small part of the equation.

I forgot a “Do” back up there... Above all else, with everything you do, grooming or otherwise with your dog, do it with love. They can sense frustration, anger, sadness. Make it a happy experience for you and let them see that none of this is anything to be afraid of.

I've grown to love my doodle clients so much, and as I had planned, I look forward to seeing every one of them, owners included. If I had a tail to wag, it would.

All My Paws,

Annie

PS
Forgive my exhausted rantings and unfortunate grammar. This mama needed to do something for herself tonight, and writing was it. There you have it!

Samples - A Groomer's Best Friend!

Since opening my salon this past summer, I have been in search of a supplier or two to pledge undying allegiance to, and I've finally found them! For years and years I've been going to my local grooming supplier, and while there's nothing wrong with them, sometimes that extra few dollars saved by ordering straight from the manufacturer is a blessing.

I wrote out to several companies and was met with many that couldn't be bothered to send a free sample, but also quite a few who were more than willing (do be prepared to pay shipping in some instances!) Through this process, I found two suppliers that I'm absolutely in love with - not just for their products, but for their customer service as well!

The first place who rose beautifully to the occasion is Espree - Andrea, my rep, was easy to talk to, answered all my questions without hesitation, and got me taken care of quickly. My samples also arrived fast, and work and smell great. Andrea also helped me pick out the products that would be most relevant to my salon, and it was fantastic to not get product I would never use!

What I received from Espree:

Simple Shed Shampoo
Silky Show Conditioner
Luxury Remoisturizer Conditioner

My biggest problem with the #1 deshedding shampoo is that I'm allergic to it, and so I never was able to carry a deshedding treatment in my salon. I did things the old fashioned (and LONG way) to avoid having to deal with hives and red skin for days on end. Andrea pointed me toward the Simple Shed shampoo and it was love at first use. Not only did it help me to complete my deshedding more quickly, it didn't leave the coat heavy feeling like most of the deshedders I've used in the past. My husky client rejoiced when she picked her dog up and she was soft, far less hairy, and smelling fantastic. This dilutes 16:1.

Smoky after Simple Shed Shampoo

The Silky Show Conditioner  and Luxury Remoisturizer Conditioner
I love them both - Silky show is great for pets with long coats that need a little help, Luxury Remoisturizer is my new found go-to for matted pets who's skin needs a little TLC, this stuff does exactly what the name says - remoisturizes! Both can be used diluted or at full strength.

Starbuck after Silky Show Conditioner

 I have also since ordered two of their holiday shampoos: Sugar Cookie and Peppermint Candy Cane. They do more than just smell good - they clean fantastically as well, there is no cleaning power lost to the smell! The holiday shampoos also came with matching sprays which aren't just perfume - they're deodorizing as well! Espree is definitely staying in my e mail contacts list!

The other company that rose beautifully to the occasion, much to my surprise, is Les Poochs. This company puts out some seriously high grade product, they sell brushes and other products as well as shampoos, conditioners and fragrances.

My Les Pooch package arrived in just over a month, it was a long time, but very much worth the wait! The amount, and quality of the products that showed up were simply astounding, and the packaging was absolutely stunning. I may have to take a trip to New York just to visit Les Poochs!

Here's what came in my sample bag:
Pooch botanique Medicated and General cleansing MedAcetic Shampoo
Michel's Special Reserve Clairifying Shampoo
Pooch De Noel Conditioning Shampoo
Vitamin Enriched Conditioning Shampoo with Alo Vera
Pooch Bright PH Balanced Brightening Shampoo
Pooch Puppy Tearless Shampoo
Micorencapsulated Creme Rinse Conditioner
Pooch Botanique Hypo Allergenic Frangrance Free shampoo
F&T Ear Wax remover
MedAcetic Ear & Skin Cleanser
Les Pooch Concentrated Prewash Detangling Spray
and 10 of the most darling little sample bottles of \perfume I've ever seen

The first thing I did when they arrived was violently hiss at my dogs to be quiet before they woke the baby - apparently our UPS man can't read and rang the door bell during nap time. But after that, my oldest daughter and I went on a smelling spree! Holy cow, this stuff all smells amazing (except the hypo, it is as promised, completely fragrance free which I've foubnd to be rare among products that are labelled as such!)

Alas, I've only had time to try a few of the products since they arrived a few hours ago, but what I've tried I love. Bridget got to be the victim of the detangling spray, Pooch De Noel shampoo, cream rinse, ear cleaner and Noel fragrance spray. To say she got pampered would be an understatement - these products have to be the finest the grooming industry has to offer. Now I'm dying to try the Les Poochs dematting brush.

Pooch De Noel smells like the epitome of clean - not over powering and almost like clean laundry - which is a happy smell for me!

The Creme Rinse smells kind of like sweet candy canes, you know, the kind you buy when want to deck your tree with something other than traditional holiday colors. It left a pleasant smell that made me want to snuggle my rotten brat of a dog. The detangling spray worked it's magic in Bridget's ears, which Percy likes to yank around when they play, leading to matting and grossness. The ear cleaning solution is the first I've run across that doesn't smell like some sort of hospital antiseptic and I'm in love. There was no greasy residue, no smelly leftovers, and it did the job beautifully. I will definitely be ordering from Les Poochs again!


Unfortunately, I did not get a photo of Bridget post torture before one of my demon spawn let her out into the yard to roll in filth. Oh well, maybe another time. :/

Happy grooming, everyone!

Wonderful Whiskers: The National Dog Day Blog

In honor of today being National Dog Day, I've decided to name all of the things that are WONDERFUL about our furry friends.... 

Without FURther ado,

The Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

Wonderful Whiskers: The National Dog Day Blog

1) You can blame your farts on them, and they don't get mad.

See? She still gives me kisses.

2) They gleefully announce your homecoming with all the enthusiasm of a demented, grossly underpaid servant of a royal family announcing big wigs entering a party EVERY TIME you come home. 

3) They never hesitate to cuddle - it's an opportunity to get you back for accusing them of busting ass - my dogs can dutch oven with the best of them.

Notice the widely spread back legs... That's so he can cover maximum area with his ass stench.

4) They don't complain when you watch 57 episodes of Grey's Anatomy in a row.

5) They're great at helping with household chores, like laundry. 

She's so fucking helpful it hurts.

6)You don't have to make them a peanut butter sandwich if they don't like dinner. They ALWAYS like their dinner.

Add caption

7)They know you suck, and they love you anyway.

8) Their breath smells like heaven for the first few weeks of their lives, then after that it smells like ass... But they don't get offended if you don't accept mouth kisses (or any kisses. Whatever. They might get a little offended,)

9) Their feet smell like Fritos... It's pretty amazing.

10)They only stink if you don't bathe them... or douse them in cologne. You know. It depends on how much you suck.

Clearly, I suck a lot (this is actually in my grooming salon, but it's funny, right?)

11) It's optional to spend an ass load of money on good toys for them... They don't care if they get crappy hand me down dollar store toys. 

Ahem... Clearly my dogs don't get dollar store hand me downs... LOL

12) They don't get made if you warm your feet on them.

13) They're great judges of character.

15) They consider anything not their normal food a treat.

Peanut butter on the nose... Both entertaining and a treat!

16) They're a great source of entertainment. (see above photo)

17) If you get excited, they get excited.

18) They don't judge your choice in literature.

Oh, you know... HARRY POTTER and DIRTY BANG BOOKS.

19) Their standards of clenliness are super low - if you drop food on a floor you haven't managed to sweep in three days, they'll still eat it. They won't even pick the hair off first.

20) You ALWAYS know where you stand with a dog. It's never a guessing game.

21) You're always useful to someone, even if that use is simply opening the peanut butter.

They're waiting for me to open the peanut butter.

22) When you DO manage to piss them off, they're only mad for a few minutes.

23) They won't ask for a sip of your wine.  

She smelled it, and could not have cared less.

24) It's HILARIOUS when they sneeze.

25) Last but not least, if national dog day comes and goes without you mentioning it to them, they don't get pissed with you for forgetting their special day. <3

Yeah, I really need to cut his nails. 

All my paws,

Annie

These fucking (DOG) cookies...

As usual, unless I'm bored out of my skull in my regular life, it's been a while since my last post. I'm not going to apologize any more. I have two kids, four dogs, and a grooming salon in my garage, not to mention a student husband. I'm fucking busy, ya'll! 

Anyway, on to business - a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine gave me a bag of semolina flour. I've never worked with it before, being that semolina is actually a variety of wheat, I was hesitant to use it for the dogs, but after doing some reading I decided that I would try it (and keep it away from the dog with the wheat allergy, obviously. I'll make him something else tomorrow.) As it turns out, semolina is a pain in the fucking ass. I spent hours on these treats, basically screwing with the dough trying to get it to not be so crumbly... and then not be so wet, and then... well, you get the idea. I will tell you that:

This...

Started as these...

Which then turned into this...

UGH.

FINALLY I ended up with the right recipe, and I'm glad I did, because three of my four dogs think that these cookies are just the bees knees. I will say that part of the reason this took me so long was that I actually made two different flavors of treat, which began with exactly the same base, but had different things added to them. Now, if you're prepared to make a mess, or see the photos of ME making a mess, then...

Without FURther ado, 

The Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

THESE FUCKING COOKIES

What you need:

2 cups semolina flour

1/2 cups all purpose gluten free flour (this, the flax and the semolina are manufactured by Bob's Red Mill, which I generally buy from Big Lots... It's much cheaper there than it is anywhere else.)

3/4 cup Flax meal (I buy it whole and grind it myself.)

2 eggs, including the shell

4 TBSP coconut oil
1tsp baking soda

The APGF flour isn't pictured here, mostly because I suck.

For the flavoring of Fucking Cookie A:

1 cup peanut butter

3-5tbsp water

For the flavoring of Fucking Cookie B:

1 tin drained and blotted sardines. 

1 tbsp dried Parsley

1 tbsp dried Mint

1/4 cup water

The sardines lost their covering somewhere. I don't know if I care to find out where.

Unreasonable I tell you!

You need cookie cutters, of which I have a fucking unreasonable amount (all of them meant for dogs, except like... two. I know. I'm insane.) a rolling pin, and a bit of extra APGF flour for dusting... don't try to dust with the semolina. It won't work. Don't be me.

Yes, there is proof positive that I'm a total wino. You would be too, if you were me. 

A personal assistant who thinks you should REALLY hold his ladybug won't hurt either. Promise!

He's really insistent that I need to hold that damned thing. 

Start by combining the two flours, the flax, and the egg (sorry you can't see the APGF flour in this photo, I figured out later that it was necessary and ended up having to knead it in. Again, don't be me, add the fucking flour!)

Blend it up really good until it's a crumbly mess. Touch it a little. It feels really cool, if you're a texture person. I know, I'm a freak. 

Round and round and round it goes... where it stops... I could not actually give a fuck. But it looks cool!

Add the baking soda and the coconut oil. If you do it just right, it'll look sort of dirty. Beat it up again, then split the crumbly mess you now have in half and move one part to a second bowl. Do not add anything else yet. 

I'll have you know that this is my FANCY tupperware. I get really upset when I loan it out and don't get it back.

Add your peanut butter, and mix it up really well, then add your first two tbsp of water. In the mean time, lube up a pan... I just use coconut oil to do that.

I really need new cookie sheets. This is just sad. I got this set when my husband and I got married.

Roll your dough out, if it's still crumbly, make it into a big hill and use your fingers to make a depression, then add some more water to the depression and work it in by hand.

Roll it out, which I failed to take a photo of for either dough, and then use your cookie cutters to make pretty cookies, which you will bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees.

What they looked like when I finally got them to the right consistency. This is post baking.

Next, put your other half of crumbs back into the mixer (or the bowl you're using if you're not as fancy as me *note: I'm not fancy. My mixer is ghetto, but it's mine!* and are just using a bowl.) By this point you should have patted the sardines dry and they should be good to go into the batter.

Alton Brown SWEARS they're not as gross as they look and smell... I planned to find out and got scared. Nope!

Add the dried sardines to the batter, along wit the ground herbs (parsley and mint are supposed to help breath freshness, though I seriously doubt they can override the fish.)

Fucking appetizing. Another reason I'd really prefer to come back as a cat in my next life. Ew.

Make sure you've added your water and then go ahead and pull it out to lay on a floured surface. Again, use the APGF flour and not semolina.

Roll out... roll out! (If you didn't sing that, we can't be friends)

Cut them with whatever cookie cutters you have and again place them on a greased baking sheet, then into the oven at 350 for 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.

I got a new camera and I'm working on being proficient with it...

Compared to when I first got it, I'm getting pretty decent at this photography thing... Now if only I could figure out how to shoot my clients better!

Once they're cooled off, let the dorks who have been hovering have a taste. They've (mostly) stayed out from under me during this little "adventure" so I think they deserve a nightcap.

His "leave it" is almost flawless. I love it!

Princess Stinky needed her cookie broken up for her. 

I hope you enjoyed my late night cookie-mutilating shenanigans. I definitely did.

All My Paws,

Annie 

If You Have To Rehome

There are no pictures in this blog, sorry! I felt like it was just too sad a topic to add photos to.

I've had some friends fall on hard times lately, some family members realize that they're just not the right home for a dog that they love enough to give up. It's hard, so hard, to realize that you're not right for a dog. Sometimes, the most selfless thing we can do is to let a dog go to a new home.

The only problem I have with that is that so many people go about it in entirely the wrong way. You can't just post on craigslist "free to a good home" because, let's face facts now, there are assholes out there that will use your dog as a bait dog in a fighting ring, to breed, and for all sorts of sick shit that you couldn't even begin to wrap your head around. Puppy mills, fighting rings, labs, they're all places that will take a dog off of Craigslist, Freecycle, or your local "buy, sell, trade" group and use them for evil. You don't want that for your dog, even if he or she didn't fit into your home, or you became financially unstable overnight (it happens, trust me.) or you got sick out of the blue, you want your dog to go to a good, safe, loving home. If you want to know how to make that happen, keep reading. This isn't going to be my usual joke post. It's not going to be silly or full of nonsense - this is absolutely as serious as you will find me, folks.

1) When you're rehoming a dog, do a home check. That doesn't mean drive up to the house, look and see that it's nice out front, and leave your dog there. No. Go in, look around, see if the other pets there (if there are any) look happy and healthy, make sure you don't see anything suspicious around. I'm not talking guns and marijuana plants - more power to them as far as I'm concerned. I'm talking fighting paraphernalia (there's an article here: https://www.aspca.org/fight-cruelty/dog-fighting/pit-bull-cruelty)

2) Ask for professional references. The potential owner's current or former veterinarian should be able to provide you with their opinion on weather or not the person is a good home.A groomer can be a good source that lets you know that their current or former dogs are not neglected.

3) Ask for personal references. A person who has never had a pet before won't have anything I'm asking for in number two, but everyone has friends or family, or even just neighbors.

4) Make yourself a questionnaire - if you can't think of questions to ask, download and print one (like this one:http://www.farescue.org/pdf_files/questionnaire_canine.pdf)

5) Be prepared for the transition to not work out. Sometimes dogs just don't fit, and like any rescue organization, you should have a plan in case the new home doesn't mesh with your fur friend. A trial period is a great idea for someone trying to rehome their dogs. This is another great reason to do a home visit - take your dog along and make sure he gets along with everyone in the house (including children and other animals!)

6) Ask a small rehoming fee. Keep in mind that you can waive this fee for the right home (this is a great way to keep fighters, back yard breeders, and other creeps away. Many of them aren't willing to pay for what they consider a disposable animal).

7) Know that the first home isn't always the perfect home... and it's ok to say "no" and keep looking. Just because someone wants your dog doesn't mean that they're right for them... You, as the dog's current owner, should know your dog well enough to have an idea if a new home will work. For example: you're rehoming your border collie, and a potential home calls. She tells you she lives in a studio apartment and doesn't get out much - you know this is clearly not the right home, and it's OK to tell her so.

8) Be honest. Don't tell a potential home that he or she is potty trained if he or she isn't. Don't tell them that he or she is vaccinated if he or she isn't. Plain and simple: don't be a fucking douche.

9) Spay or neuter your dog before you rehome. Seriously. Unless it's against your breeder's contract (and your breeder damn well better know that you're rehoming, and have better offered to help or take the dog back, or your breeder is a shithead and shouldn't be breeding) whack that shit off. YOU may be responsible enough to prevent unwanted litters, no matter how much you like the person you choose to take your dog, you shouldn't trust them to not be an idiot.

10) Finally (though I'm sure there are plenty more tips out there) Know for sure you need to do this. Don't make the decision lightly, because it's not a light decision to make. Think long and hard, and know that what you're doing benefits the dog and you as much as possible... and then don't get another dog, until things are more stable for you. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, if you rehome a dog because you can't care for it physically or financially, don't get another damn dog.

Dogs Vs. Kids: A Guide For Misguided Landlords

A few weeks ago, we moved into a new home. It is perfect. The guy who is renting it to us made certain of that. It has new lighting fixtures throughout, tile, paint, he even put a few plants here and there in the garden for me. The kicker? Brand new, beautiful, plush carpets in each of the bedrooms. This house is gorgeous, and literally right down the street from my parents. It is a three house walk to visit them. I told our new landlord to get used to us, we're never leaving. He said “Good, it's a short drive to my groomer now.”

Our beautiful new home, photo courtesy of google maps. This picture is quite old, as the tree in the center is no longer there.

Finding this place wasn't easy. My husband and I went and saw at least twelve houses in person, lost every one we putt an application on, either because we weren't fast enough, or because the place flat out wouldn't take our four dogs. There are so many places in the Phoenix Valley that don't want dogs or cats or birds or whatever in the place it isn't even funny. Oddly enough, had we wanted an apartment, we'd have had a relatively easy time finding and renting one, but I need more wiggle room than an apartment in our budget would have cost, and my kids and dogs would not have been happy.

Shortly after we moved into our dream home (no literally, very shortly. The next day. I was still unpacking!) my oldest daughter came down with whatever stomach bug it is that's making the rounds this time around, and though she knows where the toilet is, and that you are supposed to puke in the toilet, puked everywhere but. Including the beautiful new carpets that had been installed just days before.

Fuck!!!

This morning, I am up waaaayyyy before my usual time. Why? Well, yesterday I got my dogs what I call “chewies” (they're bones from the butcher) and the kind I bought didn't agree with poor Percy's tummy. Needless to say, we won't be buying lamb again, but you know what? The DOG did not shit or puke on the carpet. The DOG did not make a mess and just expect that I would clean it up. No. The DOG woke me up and begged to be let outside. The kid? She still thinks it's funny that she barfed on the carpet.

Anyway, without FURther ado, The Doofy Dog Blog Presents:

Dogs Vs. Kids

A Guide for Misguided Landlords

Kids: Will draw on the walls. No matter how hard a parent tries to prevent this from happening, parents have to use the bathroom too. Eventually, it will happen. Kids know better? Yes, most of them, by my child's age, should. Do they care? No.

Dogs: Will beat the wall with their tails. A very rare few will eat the walls. If your dog eats the walls, please seek help. Drywall is not a healthy alternative to kibble, and people who are crazy are considered to have “eaten paint chips” when they were little. Don't let your dog do this.

Photo credit to Breeze Stickly, who is the mom who actually thinks to take photos. I am a bad mom. I never take pictures. I just yell and make them clean it up. >.<

Kids: Will make noise constantly and don't listen to reason when asked to be quiet. This may lead to noise complaints.

Dogs: May bark occasionally, some really like the idea of barking at squirrels or birds, but many, my own included, only bark when there is a reason to do so, and therefore may be a deterrent for people wishing to cause harm to the property.

Winnie loves to play the piano... as loudly and at the most inconvenient times possible. 

Kids: May destroy everything if left unsupervised.

Dogs: It's legal to put them in a cage when they can't be trusted alone. Do so.

Kids: Pester people when they come to visit, including landlords or maintenance people coming to fix something.

Dogs: May bark a few times but will generally leave guests alone. Worst case scenario, it is still legal to put them in a cage. Do so.

She can definitely be a guest pesterer. She likes attention. 

Kids: Know where the bathroom is, choose not to use it when it isn't convenient.

Dogs: Know where the bathroom is, and uses it properly, especially if doggy door is available.

Yup. He pees in the backyard. 

Kids: Dig up yards searching for treasure.

Dogs: Dig up yards searching for... treasure. Gross treasure.

Winnie did this. She dug p my garden and then dumped the dirt on the porch to look for seeds. Ugh. 

Kids: Hate to take a bath and will fight tooth and nail to be stinky.

Dogs: Get shipped off to a groomer to get a bath weather they like it or not.

He KNEW he was about to get a bath.

Kids: Barf all over the house without any thought to getting to the bathroom. Will literally stand in front of the toilet and puke on the floor.

Dogs: At least try to puke on tile if possible. Some will desperately alert their owner that they need to get OUT!

MOM! Pay attention to me!

Kids: Messy eaters. Food will be everywhere until they get older.

Dogs: Generally contain their food to a dish.

Winnie, about 9 months old, covered in BLUEBERRY!

Kids: Egg each other on and instigate each other's nonsense.

Dogs: Keep each other in check so they don't do so much crazy shit.

"Hey. Stop. Settle the fuck down!"

That is just a short list of things that could cause problems in a rental, but I'm sure that there are many, many more. I think if I were a landlord, I'd charge a child deposit fee over a pet deposit fee any day.

Many giggles, and all my paws,

Annie

"I just want ya'll to know that I'm fucking pretty."